All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
