We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
