i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
