Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
