i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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