Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
