I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
