Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
false alarm, still single
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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