halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
