Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
