you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
