I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
