Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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