I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
