you didnt know i had herpes?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
