Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
