Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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