i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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