do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
