it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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