got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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