Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
