she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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