The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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