At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
