Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
