i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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