you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
