im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
