I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
