Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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