I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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