when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
