I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
