I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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