i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
