Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
