I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
