If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
