? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
