I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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