She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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