Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
