We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
