A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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