Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
