I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
