so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
