I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
