I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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