Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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