Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
